Just when I start to think that the tears have finally dried up, and the strange deep hollow inside of me is becoming more bearable to live with, something happens that scratches the surface of my scabbed heart.
It has been anything from cinnamon tea, a key holder, to your favorite Maria song by Amandzeba. Sometimes it’s the sudden realization that I am happy again, and the guilt that I am happy without you.
Many times it’s when I do something right. Something I know you would be proud of, or happy about.Other times it’s when I do something wrong, like fall asleep on the couch or forget to put the lights off or allow food to go bad.
You are no longer here, yet you are everywhere. I cannot allow myself to wallow in the sadness that this separation has left me with. I know I am stronger than the tears, fear, and anxiety that comes with dealing with this new reality. I am stronger because He gives me strength even in these moments of weakness. I am strong. I am strong.